i've tons to update on.

but the exhuastion and the extreme heat tt i experienced todae is too overbearing.

screw trainings. i dun care abt being enuth or not anymore.

im seriously tired but damn. ONE MORE MONTH to stepping down.
whatever it is, i noe i've to grit my teeth and bear thru the entire month.

just expect more of this.


signing off

this week is such a BAD WEEK .

Total crap.

i so feel like sleeping now. but im forcing myself to be awake.
i finally did sth tonight man. cleared tt super thck file... all thanks to this week intensive-cl
thingy my file is Full of chinese ws. K la.. i was one of them who felt really strongly tt its a waste of time. But on the other hand, i tink everybody who at least did sth this past few days will benefit from it... tho we're not taking e O's nxt mon.
Ok.. but seriously i feel so out of touch wif all the other subs.
this week is so slack.. its gonna be the slackiest of all this yr.
LOl.

BUT. i feel so totally lousy and shitty. it has even come to the extent of me fearing another day of exact same things happening. nah... dey dun repeat. but the vicious cycle of feelings of irritatedness & unhappiness happen over and over again. and doesn't help tt thr is this same idiotic ulcer on my upper lip tt is preventing from talking properly.. Grrrr.

Met some childish lians. really man. they thot tt our batch was worse? Look at the juniors.
shucks. shall nt talk abt it anymore.

Den thurs... went for training. surprisingly, standard dint drop too much. haha. but my left arm aches... first time seh. think im really getting weak...
afta trg, we "played" soccer wif the guys. lol. there is a bagful of confiscated soccerballs stashed somewhr in the airrifle range... so convenient for the ar guys... Lol.
I was really happy on thurs evening. the only time when i was happy this entire week. =/
but anw. crappy things stil happen... like how i've to wait more than 30 mins for tt 17 bus. wait until pengz sia... but u noe wad??
I saw dajieda on the bus!!!!!
or rather, she saw me first. hahaha. Guess fate really has its way... if i've been impatient enuf to board those passing 14 buses (at least 4 came ok) i wld nt have met cherie. arhhh so long nvr c her already. hair longer. hair colour fade also. Lol... thot she so guai dye back black.

hmm. todae was mildly bad too... but compare to tues&wed (faints)
chinese in hall was boring as usual.
was happy for a moment when i learnt tt i no nid to shoot tmr.... but in the end still have to. HAIZ. tt means continuous 2 days of shoot. eyerrrr ....

my report book was held back. more than 3/4 of the class was held back...
and frm wad i know, none of the classes had their report books held back.
i'm really lazy to go back on mon.. stupid sia.
its like so arughhh. i hope she dun do anyth to us.

and im starting my work todae. and no.. not revisions.
There is a moutainous of homework waiting for me to complete first...
- 20 jianbaos [this is damn stupid!!! why 20?!]
- emaths tys
- amaths
- chi compos and compres
- hist.... tho its kinda overdue yea.

haizzzz. almost everyday 8-4 in sch. i wonder how im going for my trainings. so bloody tiring. and im already tired now wth.

but whatever it is, im prepared to kill myself if dint finish wad im suppose to do this june.

and thats one million and one stuffs.

All these years

thots/.

a mixture of feelings.
atinge of sadness, happiness, comfort and so much more..

went with kat to starbucks todae... its been so super long... like more than 2 yrs since i last stepped into tt place. tt place tt is full of memories of cherie kat n me. when we were just sec1 and cherie sec4... the happy and carefree days. i missed the smell of aroma coffee filling the place... the chill out atmosphere.. the condusive environment.
somehow, i feel tt going back to the place was right todae. finally had heart to heart chats wif kat... she's really one friend tt i cud say anyth tt i wan without feeling restricted or stupid. one tt i guess were one of the handful who really understoood me. and i guess.. having back the sense of closeness thr was only appropriate. hope what we have planned and said wld come true one day..

this triggered thots of another friend. somebody who is ever funny and never fails to brightens up my day. when im bored or when im down... i noe i cud always count on her to be there or to cheer me up. having ur company is really an enjoyment to me already. it seems like we can chat anything and everything under the sun. things tt bothers you bothers me too... we seem to share numerous similarities tt i can rarely find in other friends.
is this a strong friendship?
i dunoe why but recently i feel tt i kept misunderstanding you... misinterpretting all ur actions. as stupid as it can be, i tink these misinterpretions actually hurts me. but i tink the problem lies mainly in me .. its just me i guess. always thinking too much...
and suddenly the more i think of the past few days, the sadder i get.
not becos of what u did la.. haha. More of wad im thinking now. chatting to kat makes me think of other stuffs.
i cant decide whether im suprise or shock of what im turning myself into. things tt shld impact me or touch me... i actually feel nothing. things tt are actually not okay yet i felt it is okay. i feel empty and sometimes, numbness deep down. Is this wad im suppose to feel? Lol. in a sense, i do think tt im different from my peers. i have a mindset which nt many culd relate to. i tink i can be quite difficult. but whatever. wad happened 2 yrs ago really changes me and probably, how i view some stuffs now. that was how strong it hits me.

and only now do i understand.

i guess these other things tt i would rather leave unsaid. things tt i dun tell anyone. yet things tt i cud type on...
in a sense, i feel kinda relieved to type it out. i dun tink i feel anymuch different... but just... a relief from my whirl of thoughts.

actually, i do appreciate this sense of emptyness.

it brings me solitary peace

ok. just vent out my anger to ps. actually i dont prefer the tool of smsing.. too ex. but yea.. cant stand it already. + i got nth to do now.

dey are training at yishun now. n wad am i doing here. Lol.
hrd frm him tt dere is nus invitation...
sigh.. i want my 370 back

and ps i dun understand why dey are doing this. seriously... its a bloody waste of time.
i cant wait to train at the cool high class yishun indoor range again...

night trgs anyone?

Lol.okay... todae is angel birthday party! Hope our class cud really have fun todae... and yea since jovi having church meeting... we 're going at a later time...

i dunoe why but i feel tt thr are so many things going on.. underneath. i snoop ard.. reading different ppl's blog.. and i cant help but think why are dere so many deceptions and false facade going on?
why are so many ppl pretending?
its so disturbing tt its ruining my impression of some individuals.

sometimes i wld be thinking too if there are others who thot of me in this way... but now i dun see the point anymore.

feelings are normally mutual anyway. so chances are, if u hate me... i tink i dun like u as much too.

lol.

im ending here... and my angsty mood shall end here too. tataa.

i'm so glad tt this week is over.
its torturous to think of which paper u will or will not flunk.
and enduring all sorts of different disappointments .... when u put in effort, yet u dun reap the fruits.
amaths and chem made me felt the shittiest of all. so much for studying and being very hopeful for my chem... turns out to be my worse subject of all. duno how am i going to face ps man.. =(
haiz. u better dun ask my results la... will get the shock of ur life.
amaths. doing tys help? no man. at least for for differentiation... i completed almost all the qns for the 3 different types of dy/dx and in the end. they dun help at all. but nahz. I will never ever give up practising on my maths. even tho this mye brought my confidence of maths to an all time low...
i was kinda glad tt i passed physics, eng and hist.
haiz.
but still.. my results stinks like hell.
was really depressed over a period of time... but i tink it was a good learning experience. at least i learnt frm my mistakes. how reading the qn over and over again is damn bloody impt.... got killed by tt for my chem n ss. =/

ok. apparently, 2 weeks in advance are not enuf at all. i will definitely start during the 'hols'... its like..only 3 mths left for prelims? and i wanna do my very best to get myself eligible in a respectable jc...
and to kick start ... better finish the hw and cleared my super messy room.

I can just forsee how hellish june can be. With all the extra lessons, cca trainings for 3 days a week and my dreaded piano exams.... i will die of anxiety and stress if i dun start preparing now. my exam pieces are not practised to perfect yet...and i cant seem to memorise all the scales.
Arughz.


u noe wad? i dun see why u are 'encouraging' yet on the other hand.. u are putting ppl down.
Big time.


Reflections?

ok.. i was discussing wif ps how TIME PASSES SO QUICKLYYYY.

Serious, does anibody realise how fast 1 week passes?
like wad happen 1 wk ago is still vivid in ur mind?
scary seh.

and i was talking to flo... den realise. DIE... CCA resuming.
and ps make me realise too how much i slack for airrifle. arhhhhhhhhhh. its been 1 month +++ since i really train and shooot. shitshitshit. tiring training days are going to haunt me back again..

Hmm. Finally went out wif yp again... =) the last time was like.. my bdae? LOL. tts long. from my blog entries... i realise tt i use alot of very long... so long... its been long words and todae i noe i use alot of realise haha. sorry for the limitations of my words... but yea. the so long so long thingy is really very long since i did all those stuffs. have been missing out in action in some areas.. for instance, gab lent me the da vinci code book frm last yr nov till now i hvn even open the book cover yet... =/
i must read it some day sia.. Lol.
Ok watch Poseidon wif yp. the movie is NICE ... THRILLING... and exciting. But it gets sad when u see how the character die off 1 by 1...
and u also see how scary it can be in a life-or-death circumstances. you can only depend on urself. its like a dog eat dog world...

Arhhh.. just rmb tmr have to hand in zuo ye.. but i hvn even start leh. blehzzz... and Hope tmr have no hcl... dun wanna endure the talk also wif tlc. LOl.

i wanna haf fun tmr. haha.

ay... why nobody tag wan.

quite many things happen the past few days... but im too lazy to blog out. and i
cant bliv i slept for sooooooo long.
8:30pm - 10am
was planning to watch the repeat telecast of mtvasia awards but i slept! Grrrrr.
i'm surprise at myself cos normally by 830 the latest i wld have woke up....
Lol. but it feels nice to able to sleep. and sleep. :)

ok.. the rain has finally stop. time to go out now!cya

I'm BORED

Im so gonna have my much deserved sleep afta this :

Right. so exams are over now.. Duno whether im really happy not. arh i tink im so weird.. shall elaborate my weird-ness next time.
Yayyy finally talk to ashley again... Its been more then 2 weeks i guess.. due to exams and revisions i hvn been online chatting to ppl (tt explains my nick :) and i find it fun to bombard her wif lotsa qns. Hahaa. My seniors are, to a certain extent, quite impt to me. oh ya... thanks PS for sat but u noe wad.. im so gonna die for my chem. =/ BUT i promise i shall read the whole of ur file be4 prelims come... =) and i still nid ur help hor...

Haha. paiseh sidetrack abit... so yea ash told me maybe the reason im dun have the ultra happy feeling becos i noe the BIG one isnt over yet?
LOl... this is getting boring and draggy. Fancy me typing abt all this things on the last day of exam...

K.. went to orchard wif the gang todae and u noe wad? i tink this is like the FIRST time e 6 of us go out since this yr starts. hai.. so pathetic.. ok yea did alot of walking arounds and had our lunch at pasta. Lol... its been SO LONG since i walked until my legs are tired. and i tink i really grow so much FATTER during the exam period... all i do is eat and eat and sit down study. see how low my energy output is... and it doesnt helps tt i tend to binge when im stress&sad...

went for my monthly dental appt todae =) and man... this is the first time i so look forward to going thr... lol. cos i purposely put it afta exam. im glad tt i finally gone thru the third wire stage... tt means its 1/3 done and my teeth are so much straighter. haha. bracessss are mah fan but really worth it. AND CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, BRACES ARE NOT PAIN. and when i say not pain.. i mean not those tt u cant tahan la.
and for the sake of a nicer smile, go for it =)
heh. im advertising for the dental industry for free.

hmm. learnt sth new abt my fave dentist employee. ehh.. i dun really noe how i shld address her... but shes the one who pick up the calls and arrange the appt de. I like her becos she has a very warm personality and sweet smile :) and i dint noe she's the same age of my mom until todae when she ask wad's my mom age. LOl... she look so much younger la.. Den she told me tt she had no kids. i was abit shocked cos she looks very motherly to me..and the sad part is tt she had a miscarriage many yrs ago. She told me tt if her child had survive, he/she wld be 20 rs old now...
i dunoe why but afta hearing this i feel quite sad for her.. whereas she's stil back to her jolly self but one thing she kept repeating todae is tt im old enuf to be her daughter.Haha.. guess its becos of the same age she and my mom shares...



arh sian.. dunoe why all the ppl tt i wanna talk to aren't online todae. blehhz. and kw say i very scary leh. Isit true??

hais. and the radio is spinning maroon5 -she will be be loved- now. arugh.

SO MUCH MEMORIES.
:(

exams are turning me into a zombie...

my avg sleeping hours for the few nights was 4. the day before physics was the worst... study until 330am stil cant finish...arughz. in the end i give up... sleep more impt. amaths p1 was so dotz... all the dy/dx nvr come out =S

Haiz. tink this mid-yr is screwed?
so far all the papers tt i take i dun have the confirm-can-pass de confident feeling. and i tink im gonna fail english and ss. SS WAS SHIT. I MESSED ALL THE POINTS and even tho i write finish both essays... it seriously = to nth. shld have done source based first man... i feel so stupid.

GRRRR.



Chem and geog p2
somebody pls kill me....