i dint expect so much things to happen this week...

was so busy wif ar stuff every single day. the 2 nite trgs was realli tiring .... and on wed. i realli had enuf of it. i jus cant keep my eyes wide open during lessons. and yea.. the msg was kinda disappointing... whatever.
but im nt disappointed now..
in fact. i feel sad for the whole team.
afta the whole competition was over.. i can sense the sadness in every single one of them.
i thot the blunder tt the safra ppl made on the B gals results was bad enuf. its like.. kong huan xi yi chang. and i noe vicki is not very happy...
but... i realli feel for kel n ps. dey shot reasonably well..
but stil cant get a medal to reward their efforts. and its not their faults.
haiz..but life can be kinda unfair sometimes.
and if ani one of u are reading this...
a meal is stil just a medal la.
u noe u had given ur best.. thats the main thing.
whatever happens during competition ... no one is to be blamed.
its afterall, very different frm our normal trgs. nobody wanted this to happen...
so.. don blame him or urself animore k...
im sure u guys can participate in more competitions nxt time..


. jus wad i wanted to say of the comp todae.
im tired.
everybody's tired.
lets jus rest and not tink abt it animore..

haiz.. the holidays *sniff sniff* are GONE.
=(
no more freedom. no more sleeping late in the morning.
more homework. more tests. more exams. more .... .......
everything la..
im stil tired frm last semester. how to go on?*
LOL.

den now me n jen is desperately trying to recall our locker combi. cos seriously.. none of us noe. and i also duno whr on earth i place tt receipt paper! the las time i touch it was feb!
anw. worse come to worse we use other ppl lockers first... hahaha.
haiz. the most dreaded lessons i have for tmr is chemistry... and geog.
so so so dont wan to go sch now.
somore tmr got night trg! arhhhhhhhh. dunoe by 8pm can come back nt?
n no air connn. haii.
heng i finish all the hw le *(xcept tt chi prac pp..whaha) all else want to have extra days chiong also dont have. LoL.
and now.. the trgs jus go loh. no go competiton also nvm. jus ren 2 more trgs den no nid to go for trg for 1 whole mth le. hahaha.... sth to look forward le. n since e most impt comp is over... want to pontang wont be a prob too. ;)

Okay... i guess i gota go now. hvn pack the bks yet.... >.<



hopefully we can win this time eh..?

i suddenly feel lik bloggin now. but.. dun noe wad to blog on...
Haizz... siannn` later got Ar trg again... a nice n cOOling morning is gone..
n i agree wit wad kat told me.. we r wasting our time . no?

anw.. had to force myself to go out and buy breakfast jus now... or i wld have to starve the whole morning and afternoon. 'cos thr is nth edible at home for me to eat..
went to put the wire n ev.th on wed. and okay... thr is no pain. jus some numb sensation but the uncomfortable feelin' comes when i feel my teeth going weak.. and even now. i totally can't bite anith... or it will go pain again.
haiz .. den i now v.sian of eating anith. eSp porridge. eww. if possible.. i tink i would jus eat one meal a day. lol.

da holidays are ending..
but sadly, i hvn finish my hw yet.. arughhh.
stil have half of the ss undone. but at least... i completed all the chi hw le. pheww.
buut... sighed. i stil have the essay qn and the role of ASEAN to do.
=(
guess i gota end now. im going SCH. hmphh.


so not in the mood for it...

umm. u noe wad?
i dont understand why so mani ppl out thr wants to put braces when dey grow up... or sth lik tt.
personally.. i feel that if its realli nt tt obvious or ugly... den dont put la. spare urself the pain! lol.
and afta puting the braces.. stil got retainers to put. and frm wad i noe.. must put quite long also.. haizz` . so yea.. see the point?
Lol.

Im so tired now. so bombarded by all the assignments. so guilty for nt studying this hols. and so uncertain abt my cca. ..
i donnoe how to put it to words ;
neva mind.
i seriously hope i can finish my hw by thursday!!
den.. at least ive the wkend to enjoy be4 sch starts...


:(

woahh. todae walk until leg damn pain seh... but its fun. hehh
hmm..went to flo church todae cos.. firstly i got no plans 4 e day. 2ndly.. v.long nvr c her le and 3rdly.. she really wanted me to go.. so ya jus go lorh. aniwaes.. i don tink i wld ever be ready to convert la. altho the service is quite meaningful...

afta that... the whole grp went to centrepoint to eat dinner & me flo n jeslin leave shortly after to go shopping. hahaa. but u noe wad... singapore is kinda boring. go here go there still the same place. n u can even bump to fellow frens or schmates in orchard road.. i mean the whole stretch of road is vast la.. yet u stil can meet sumbody.
hmm aniwaes.. went to orchard (again) ytd. saw zhou chong qing too!! lol.. at the international building whr my dental clinic is. and guess wad?? i realise tt flo's sister de dentist is e same as mine! whahaa.. so qiao. but i tink he must be quite popular ba.. he done phyllis quek n some other artists be4 too...
arrrh alrite... i put the metal studs le. nxt week wld be the most painful part... rubberband!!! haizz.. mus endure the pain for 1 week... i hope it won be so bad...

i suddenly think of sch again. n the thot of Maths, Chemistry, Physics , Hist ( cos of maesten..=/) really puts me off manz. its gonna be sooo boring... arugghz. n i really think the whole homeroom system is stupid. its difficult to have class bonding and having to carry the books ard. ...

eh...
shit.
i think i forgot my locker combi le?
lol..

haiii.. sian la. SS
-
Sch Sucks...

toade arh... got super tiring training .. but nvm.
went to Ding Tai Fung for dinner ... haha. the food is nice... mus go try kae.
hmm..den quite long nvr chat wif my sis ... so i ask her abt TJC since ps n vicki are trying to get in. lol. i ask her to name niche in her sch... n yea thr is band and co. but guess wad? their sch basketball team won the championship seh... and its really like wad u see on mvp qiing ren. LoL.
haiz.. too bad the Ar team thr abit not so good ...
A Levels is stressful... no kidding.
sometimes... i wonder if i shld go Jc not (okay..mayb i cant even get in) but back to the point.
im not smart. i cant crammed things into my brain... i cant memorise... i cant handle stress.
so yea. seems lik furthering my studies is lik killing myself.... lol
hmm? but ya la.. thinking it now is abit too early ...

aniwaes. i complete some homework these few days.... =]
now left 6 jianbaos.. 1 yue du.. ss project.
haiz. but come to think of it... stil got alot to do...


so much for my not having last minute work done ...
lol

you gotta download this!
http://www.thewarpzone.net/kiss_woman.asf
i noe many of u may have seen it.. i saw this mtv 2 yrs ago too .. but this is the Full version.
so yep.. download it .. its very touching ..

hmm. has been wanting to post.. but i guess waiting till the end of e day ... ive more of it.
i feel so emo jus now. but afta onlining n chating wif some frens ... felt betaa. reali beta.
our therapy session abit rubbish la.. but quite fun too. at least now i noe hu i can turn to...
bleaah. niwaes. its been a long time since e whole grp go out tgt. wonder how's every one doing? jewel mus be enjoying herself... rich gal. lolx. cheryl is dying in her np camp. hahaha. jovita. dunoe how she's feeling now.. jiemin. as usual craving for tt special somethin'. n kat? jus saw her todae for trg.

speaking of trg.. i guess i jus skip all da details cos if type out everything it will be too boring. and all the stuffs tt i wana blog is in PS blog too.. haha. but he gd la.. treat us all to fish & co. =p
n well jus now.. had a short conver wif liwei too. n im glad tt at least thrs sumone else hu feel the same way as i felt too. i feel so... haizz nvm. i can't put it to words. but afta some thinking of the whole exco thingy of ar club, i feel tt the sec3s are not assertive enuf. the sec4s have the popularity n influence... diana is independent enuf for the sec2s. and if we don assert our authority now... den the rest of us will be so dead n quiet.
but yea.. sometimes, i jus don feel lik speaking up animore. .... im tired.
and jus now.. the 2 of them were toking lik nobody's business. felt dey shld be more tactful..
just hope everything cud be finalise quickly... knowing it sooner will benefit us.

on a lighter note. i jus discover sth ironic. ive 2 gd frens. 1, im sure.. dislikes the letter z now. but the other one... seems to be fond of e letter z. haha. not sure of wad im saying? nvm.. u re not suppose to anw.. lol

was asking louis abt our 2-2 chalet.. hmm i guess this time most prob don have le ba? everybody seems so busy.. i guess nov wld be a better time. hh wun be so fan too.. haha. and guess wad? i email louis the ss project too.. n this time im smarter. i save it okay. so ppl.. if u nid it.. jus ask frm me. cos i have both copies in my com ... lol

its 11:59 now. whaha. i take so much time seh...
guess i gota go do some hw now... its piling up =/

niteeez`


i've lost my trust in you

hehh. jus finish changing n editing this skin. nice? i lik it alot.. haha
aniwaes. todae... got plenty to blog abt.
//
woke up damn early todae... 7am had to reach school for the monthly shoot.
while having breakfast.. my mom was asking me wad am i doing so early and i told her im going school
and my mom was like.. HuH?! on a sunday morning??
exactly

hmm anw.. mr soh took the wrong keys and all of us were locked outside the sch gates. but guess wad? in order to get in.. he and han kun and zijian climb up the school gates to get all our stuffs. Lol. i wonder wad the drivers and passer bys were thinking when dey saw it.
and well. thats not all.
after reaching Cdans ( wif no tr n coach) me vicki n kat were like blur seh. dunoe wad to do... + all the ppl thr are JC and v lil ppl reach. had some probs while registering... (wasted alot of time on tt) n in the end.. we do not hav enuf time to prepare ourselves. spent like 15 mins to get ready ev.th after the competiton starts... so yea naturally we feel panicked. and panic is enough to cost me the marks. shot 339 todae. =/

But i feel happy enuf to have ample time to reach home. went for the PCK musical in the afternoon ...thx to waikhang for the free tickets. n ya... the show's not bad. funny ..but thr r some parts which is quite lame.. lol and while watching it... i sumhow tot of Journey. .

Feel so tired after reaching home... todae has been a long day
but hey, im not complaining. .anith is better den staying home.
and if i cud..i wld want to go out every single day. da hols r gonna end soon... yet i feel i hvn even enjoy it. haiz
but aniwaes. im meeting yp tmr :)
gotta have some catching up n at da same time... homework!

haha. went to wild wild wet yesterdae. it was fun... finally get to be in the water again :)
but mannn. i realli hope i am wad i was 5 years ago. i feel so un-fit now... lost so much of my stamina and i tink i sort of forgotten some of my strokes. lol...

Ular-lah, shiok river and wall's tsunami is fun.... the samsung slide-up is scary tho. thr r some other rides too..but as we stay longer... we found the rides abit limited. hmm...but anw i suffered much injuries ytd. gotten a cut on my 4th finger, a scratch on my feet and cos of jovita n min...i hit my head in the shallow pool... whooaaaa its realli freaking pain ...i can even feel the bump on my head now.. grrrr.
den... we finished our day wif a meal at kfc. hmm surprisingly i can eat seh... but no i dint eat the chicken. i ate the burger. but still... a delicious meal afta sooo long.
im so not lookin forward to tmr... but still. hopefully. the earlier i do it... the faster i can get used to it..

hmm..aniwae...went for cca todae. n its been so long since i shoot... i tink got 1 month? n when i go back.. its hell for me. it took me damn long to search for my Full suit. n nobody helps me.. was so frustrated. but finally i found back all the bits n pieces.. and dint drop much in standard.. haa.

afta tt..went wif kat,kel n ps to watch mr and mrs smith. its nice... (at least its long enuf) but abit draggy in front... the ending is nicer. lol..

haiz..anoda day gone. really ... i starting to feel the stress of not completing any of my hw. n i left wif only2 weeks to complete this
- 10 jianbaos
- 2 yue du bao gao
- tkss & acs practice papers
- geog assignment
- ss project! [ of all.. i really hate this!!]

sighhh. i hope this post can serve as a reminder to me? hopefully

guess wad im doing now??
LOLx... jovita is really funnie . ( altho she may not agree wif me.. but heck she wun read my blog anw ;)

we were so bored jus now. n feeling so pathetic.. cos practically ev.body are enjoying themselves. kat n flo went to samuel chalet. min went to sent the brisbane ppl. left me n jov to rot at home.

so glad i dint sign off ..... cos jovi suddenly jump into the topic of vision of love. she was practically cancelling all the theories abt love... but can't say anith here =X hahaha. i dunoe why..but i find it damn funny. whahaaa. but if i say anith here she will probably kill me. so yeah. Ssshhhh. (tts wad she do to me the whole time during the conversation. want me to listen to her "theory") Lol.

haiz.. wonder if i can wake up tmr ... ?

uh yea im here again. to blog =)
nth happen much lately... watch madagascar yestdae. nice! but a bit too short tho... after tt got nth to do so me, jov, min n kat went to bedok mac to tok. hmm ya..we crap alot . hahaaa.

i dun like to be at home. owas feel tired. and got nth to do.
hmm... hvn start any of my hw too. so clever eh... lol.
i noe im gonna hav a hard time later....
sobx.

~ Haiz... got this feeling tt this June holiday is freaking sianz. there's lik ...nth to do. Okay. there is the holiday hw... but dun hav the mood for now.

But i noe tt i wun hav fun this mth.. Got so much to go thru but most often... Pain.
haiz.. i'm so tired of going to "hospital" place. alright, NSC and visit to my dentist are not exactly hospital la.. but it giv me e feeling of so. Especially after losing so much blood todae... =/

went to c my dentist todae for braces -making. but be4 i reach tt level yet ... have to go thru the 2nd step, which is the extracting of teeth. must take out 4... but 2 by 2 first. so yea.. went to extract 2 of my teeth. the procedure is not pain. never. but what really agonizes me is the aftermath. when the anesthetics slowly disappear, the pain starts and lasted for 1 n 1/2 hr?
Okay.. to be fair. its really not that pain la. but its the duration tt makes it feel unbearable. and i cant exactly explain e tingling sensation of pain ... but the feeling is really horrible. i guess that sums it all.
aniwae... It tooks me 3 hrs to stopped all the bleeding... for a moment i really wonder if i would stop bleeding.
damn la... i've to go thru the exact same thing on friday. and go to the NSC on mon and fri. sianz... i'm getting sick of Novena. at least orchard nt so bad ... lol

feeling kinda bored now... onlining doesnt interests me anymore. other den bloggin and toking to some of my frens. and i cant really go out this 2 days. =(

now im wondering wad wld i do after really putting on the braces and ev.th .... if the pain jus now is really so unbearable... i wonder if i cud endure the whole thing? haiz. but alreday like tt liao... die die also mus go thru everything.
hais...
do i sound childish?



i think so... haha


Endure

went to take back report book todae... n surprisingly i pass everything! LoL
uhh. wait. due to the moderation of chemistry and the help of my CAs (phew) .... i pass. but ya.. of cos my pass r those C5 C6 type. but heck la. wads done is done. jus thankful tt i did not hav F9 or E8. however. i noe i did fail one sub... E maths but becos ms morni dunoe why keyed the ca results as our sa1... our whole class seems to pass e maths wif flying colours. LoL. error la. but u noe wad. after counting the marks myself ... i realise i wld get 49.125. WAD THE HELL. jus 0.875 and i wld hav passed. grrrrr.
hmm anw. this is wad my remarks is. (part of)
your results show you are capable of distinctions all round, so strive harder next semester and perservere.
i was like... huh? my results lik shit lorh. how do it show tt i'm capable of distinctions? the highest i hav is my hcl... B3 and also the A2 for emaths is fake one. *puzzled. but nvm... i'm not as disillusioned now. i would work harder to get better results and lik wad she said... perservere. perservere. perservere. i wld hav to study damn hard from now on.. cos apparently just by studying hard don't work for me. =/

after getting back my resutls... went to the NSC to do my allergy test. n the test the nurse did for me somehow looks lik chromatography to me... lol. i had lik erm.. at least 30 micro-small metals pasted on my back with masking tape n yes it hurts alil due to the tightness. i bliv the metals inside consist of chemicals to determine whether i'm allergic to them. n the nurse even put some ink marks on my back... really sounds lik chromatography.. LoL. but no i dun tink it is... cos thrs nth travelling up my skin.haha. anw.. i'm sorry if i disgust you..but reali la. its not disgusting. i will only hav some problems within these 48 hrs... other than tt.. i wld be fine.
just hope i cud recover quickly...


regarding wad i thot ytd.. hmm i guessed i don feel any of that animore. at least for now. i've reflected and think thru sensibly. Life don seems so bad now. ( n well..the pain i meant was the cuts on my hand. lol) I feel tt...
wad's actualli the big deal?
in the end... its stil my life. i've to live it myself sooner or later. can't possibly hide and rely on my parents all the time. its my life. in the end... i wld hav to walk it through myself ...wif or w/o them. i have to be independent and mentally strong. i bliv i'm half way thru independence ...but emotionally... i feel after wad ive gone thru these 15 yrs. im able to do it. in fact, apart frm some of my friends... i'm not afraid to be alone. somtimes i really dun mind to be alone. i dun find it scary or intimidating. in a way... i find it good spiritually. u get to think through many stuffs and understand urself better.
for the time being... i will ignore everything/anybody tt makes me unhappy.
Life is still positive and full of hapiness. rmb tt :)
and i do believe tt ...
Acceptance is the solution to most problems. accept it and learn to move on positively.




but well. if ure lik me who gotten bad results. don accept it. work harder .... whaha.



i guess thats all for todae. will hav more to blog on tmr... (hint: more pain to come :(
but anw.. i like blogging. it helps me sort out my thots.. tho i'm still not comfortable sharing my problems wif everybody. hmm.

gtg. buai`

being alive feels painful.












everything. just everything.










` i hate to be here now.
so childish. so noisy.
i yearn for peace







i hate all of them
its them who put me in this predicament
i longed to be free.
longed to be numb
longed to grow up
longed to be independent ... emotionally





but for now. i will pretend to be okay.









i want the world to pretend everything is okay