I'm tired of life ... when has anith be good for me? no, everything hasnt been okay since the start of the year. im amazed at how insensitive humans can be. how a chain of unfortunate unhappy events can unfold itself so "nicely". so consecutively tt i feel so suffocated, so deprive of my good and cheerful times. im very bothered. perhaps this is how growing up is? and if it is... it totally ruined the perfect image in my mind. the perfect life tt i owas pictured... i sincerely yearn to disappear and start a new life somewhere. i want to be away. away from everyone i knoe. im sickof everything tt i feel like crying

i feel so depressed now. im fed up wif people. im angry at myself.
for fifteen yrs, i felt ive never done anith for myself. nothing at all. maybe tts the root of all. im tired. im tired of putting up a false front and pretend to be okay. im not. cos all the past problems were never solved and it only accumulated to sth worse. its a knot tt can nvr untied. i dunoe till how long can i take it. i feel exasperated. u said tt i can tell u. but wads the use of telling when nothing has been done? u can tell me to ignore... but seriously, how do u ignore feelings? how do u not feel sad when ure truly sad? how do u not feel irritated when ure really piss off? how do u ignore ur feelings? ive tried. and it helps nothing.


Life pretty sucks now. a month ago i thot i wld be very happy when october ends. but no. disappointedly no. there is nothing to look forward to and i feel so darned empty deep down.
i feel so burdened. i hate my cca now. his attitude really turn us off. i hate school now. i dun wan to go for the remedials. i dun wan monday to come. i really need a break. but looking at the things around me.. i dun tink so.



a point of no return

O - Level Chinese is so Freaking Near!

i left like... 4 more days and till date i havent started to revise decently.

damnnn. i starting to feel jittery abt it. and its the first time in my life i feel tt i have no confidence for my chinese subject.

and im so desperate to get an A1 for it... seeing the sucky results tt im getting tmr.

i want to get an a1 for the first Os papers im sitting..

i need to get it ...

:(

its been so long since i feel so AGITATED.
damn im really so angry jus now can. wad the hell. a string of sms just flooded my inbox. and make me feel so unhappy. Whose the one who is going to tell me not to be last minute when u are clearly the one who is last minute in informing? telling me at 7+pm and expecting me to be all ready by tmr? crazy. lik its gonna be so easy to ask ppl to help me. to come out wif ideas. and all the work. lik i can finsih by tmr. ha. and while tinking and fuming at the same time...another round came in. with the exact things but an addictional stuffs to remind me not to be last minute? WTH. seriously, my anger was rising. send and send and send for what? veh fun izit. and if anith it accomplish.. it only succeeded in making me feeling more PISS off ...and therby convincing why there is an increase no. of juniors who hated him so much. ! grrrrrr!
considering what i felt just now, wad i type now is indeed mild.
Damn la. spoil all my plans tmr.

stupid... but i feel so much better afta venting out all my anger.
haii. i guess i will start blogging on things tt will make me happy
the chalet is not bad... we maange to finsih most of the food ba. and i get catch up wif some frens.. lik jenifer. stil so evil as ever.. got bullied by her the whole nite. Lol. and yes i guess i make some plans wif my frens for the nov-dec hols. haaa x) hope it will be fun..
anw.. dint stayed ytd.. due to several reasons. lol and also have to meet jovi dey all so early todae. 10:30! kinda surpise.. tot dey all veh late den wake up de.. we went to east coast park for bowling. heh.. its fun cos at least my ball nvr kept going down the drain lik last time... Lol and i lik da place dere. in between, jiemin kept herself busy by taking pics of us here and there. everybody is like so crazy taking pictures afta tt. esp flo. haha. we settled our lunch at parkway... where one of our madness happen. it all started wif jovi who refused to finish her bowl of beef soup... and we were thinking of what to do wif it. and i guess( either cheryl or kat) suggested zhong ji mi ma. u noe.. the number game. hahaaa. and everybody was so into it there is also many funny mishaps. hahahaa. especially when we ganged up to hai jovi..cos in the first place is she don want to drink ma. and the rest of us actaully find the soup nice... lol but things started to get disgusting n yucky.. thanks to florence who added milo into it.. most of us wanted to puke man. LoL. but its veh fun.
im so glad i went out todae... i think i will go crazy if i stayed at home..
i hate being at home now... but neither do i want to be in sch tmr. =/ (look up)

ARHHHH!
i feel so bored now. really. and waking up so early todae kinda irks me. Lik i haf ani choice. ..
Okay.. i guess ytd my posts were kinda incomplete. LOl. was quite busy smsing. two-two chalet! i wonder if thrs gonna be ani change this time... its like i hav alreadi lost count of the chalets tt our class had. haha. staying up on sun nite seems fun..especially when u don nid to wake up n go to sch on monday! hahaha. but ive not decided yet. hmms. was suppose to blog abt my results so here it is. but if u tink im going to type out my results ure so wrong.. ha. im so ashamed of myself la.. i failed both maths. the subject which i put the most efforts in. damn.. u noe tt kind of feeling? yes i tink u do. so i dun tink i nid to rant on n on abt how i bad i felt. but i stil like amaths alot... much much much beta than e maths.
i guess i can only say tt im happy for both my languages and both my humans.. i pass my combine humans!! Lolx. let me be smug for a while k.. cos i really doubt i can pass wif errr. her teaching. lol and geog. i put in effort. so yea. quite okay abt it.
the science subs are lik the most scary larh... especially wif e teachers. did i even mention tt my chem teacher is giving up on us? in short. hes going to walk out of the class. i don blame him. our results were horrendous. Less den half passed... and the rest who failed comprise mainly of f9s. actually when were having the lessons i kinda sensed it alr. n if ure wondering, yea i belonged to the majority. i got a d. whatevers.. i don really care abt it animore. our fate lies in the sch now.

Hais. so much for all the drama. its 11:25 now. n i still feel bored...
maybe i will get out later. hopefully. blaaa. i don wanna stay at home n listen to my mom naggin again. give me a break. i will do what im suppose to do when the time is up.
u noe wad? Music therapy is the best!!!
i cant imagine life w.o music. i will jus die man.

i went blog- hopping jus now and i realise ... wad they are feeling. i felt it too. tt kind of feeling when u really studied hard but stil fail (u can say im stupid or i studied the wrong way but i stil wana say it). the kind of feeling where u feel uve given ur best but afta takin ur results back u began to qn urself. everything laa. haiiz.
but currently now. im not really thinking abt results nemore. its a 3 day rest. yeaaa~~~ n i feel its a well deserved one. chalet is due tmr. n i think we really ve much to catch up on!
cyaa!
=)

chalet is so two-two. haha

Oh. what a week..
i missed my blog. Lol.
ive decided to not blog anith till i got back everything. more on tt later.
haiz. while on my way home.. i thot of many things. but somehow, i jus forgotten all abt it.
im tired. i got headache yestdae. wanted to do one of the prac pp tt zls gaf us but i ended up sleeping.. at the time of 8pm. Lol.
i luv sleeping. cos i can jus forget everything for a moment. the other dae.. i was pondering and pondering and i got so tired of thinking tt i ... fell asleep. i duno wads the reason of me keep going to dreamland. i guess im jus too mentally tired. this whole month is like craps la. and only todae, when jovita told me, ive only 10 more days to chinese O lvl tt i start to realise. studying chinese wasnt even on my mind but my chinese really v. jia lat now. i dunoe 3/4 of the tian xie han zi and zao ju was crappy tt i wld hav gotten zero if its hcl paper. oh yea, our teachers hav been giving us loads and loads of prac papers. i think ive 9 now. 8 untouch. sian la. and my room is stil in complete mess. =/

wad uve told me todae, i felt it long long time ago. but now, all i want is to be happy. ive told myself i wun let myself be in misery... when i noe i can do sth. wads the use of being in the company when ure not even enjoying urself? and tts when i started celebrating spontaneity. i make decisions on the go. i compromise within my frens. i put myself in priority, i do wad i wanan do. i feel wad i wana feel.
cos only by doing tt... i feel real. and not being fake to the ppl ard me.
and yes, im happy now. :)

Bah!! more updates later. im off to practising my pieces ~~. ffVIII song

Amzaing Race is super duper tiring!!!

blah. i tink i hvn been feelin this kind of fatigue for so long. (its different frm studying kae)
and my toes were in great pain. nonetheless, its stil fun =)

sighhed. how i hope tt this week can end faster!!!! (tho i wld probably dreadddd on thurs and fri)
i duno la. i thot i wld be worried but now i juz want to get over it and done with.
haaa. but i guess i wld hav a set of different reactions later on.........
booooz.
why talk abt it when thr is 2 more days?
Ok... but the next two days arent exactly fun n interesting either.
and lesson on wednesday??!
dots.
and i thot dey will made us stay back for more chinese lessons. Lolx//

haiz. can u bliv it? i actually slept straight till 7pm jus now. yawnss. my eyes stil feel dry n tired.
i guess i will sleep veh early tonite.

but before tt, a few more chaps of Gof.

x)

Post:

i guess i really like the blog when its so empty -without anyth except the posts.

but if only i cud enable the comments.. it wld be better..sighhh

No matter how much i try to edit it and enable it it stil don sppear leh. Help?

By the time i finished typing this, my eyes had probably gone blind.

finally went back to my-fanfics-self. have been chionging a twenty-seven chapter story (frm last nite till now) which i thot was completedbut apparently not. >.<>

Arh aniwae... i went out wif my Long-lost friend todae!!! bwhahaha. just exaggerating. i just hvn speak to her for 5 years and hvn seen her for 3 years. Lol. Maybe its fate? (courtesy of cheryl n kat) but im so happy tt she contact me! hahaaaa. cos i tink ive mentioned be4... i usually don make the first move.. but im happy to recontact with a close friend. x) heee he. we went to watch corpse bride... the show was aokay but not as nice as i thot it would be. but guess wad? I SAW THE GOBLET OF FIRE TRAILER!!! man! was it awesome!! ( better den any tt ive search online). ARHHH! and i jus cant wait for it to come out on 17nov! LOLx.

and im kinda motivated to re-read the 4th and 5th book be4 proceeding to the half blood prince. ha ha! this's jus part of my plan of what to do afta exams.

i guess i gtg now. my eyes really cant take it animore. booooo.

fan-fics! Movieees! HARRY POTTER n the GOBLET OF FIRE~~!!!!!

I 'm so Happy todae.

so many ppl tok to me todae. whahaa. its been so long man.. msn.
hmm. n i get to see.
the friendship tt all of us have.
tho not always shown.
at least i saw it todae.

:))

whatever laaaaaaa
im tired of doing it. Really.

aniwae. to0dae is a FUN DAY!! whoo-hoo~~~.
but yea. when i come back kinda piss off... dun wanna tok abt it.
stupid lorh. spoil my nite.
ok aniwaes..

Its officially the end of exams. but im not happy la..
its obvious, i don wana get back results. every thing will be like shit.

Went ouf wif hh n lifang todae. hahaaa. at first we donno whr to go but in the end dey decide to go plaza sing.. so we went there and have lunch at Pizza Hut. LOl. we stayed there like 3 hours??? eating n toking over pizzas... hahaha. we tok abt many stuffs and its one of those times tt i really lauuugh until i wanna die. hh la!!!! LOLX. shes go funnnyy. esp abt the hall exam thingy...lolllll. i tink back i stil wan to laugh.. hahaha.
But den later we realised we did not pick up hl phone calls!!!! haiz. den she went home le... ahhhhh.

aiya aniwae. todae is really a nice day... cos i laughhed alot. lol. ehh i don tink any amt of words can describe wat i felt todae so i tink im gonna ends now. byee!



// oh ya btw. vicki actually said hi to me juz now! LOLX. my act dao senior. first time sehh...

i tell you.

IF ONLY ALL MY EXAMS CAN BE AS RELAXING AS CHINESE....

not tt hcl paper is easy la. but.. compare to physics. omgosh..
i was so stressed doing tt STUPID freaking paper can. and its so saddening and demoralised tt most of the things i studied did not come out. lest the fact tt i studied till 2 in the morning.

haiz. n i kinda regret ... i did not went thru the mid years paper again.
anwae. overall. i find the paper really hard la. confirm remedials during the holidays =(

and a maths. im genuinely sad cos i really put in effort frm studying for the paper i realise i understand alot of things better than i used to. but................................................ i stil let myself down. the back part was totally screwed.
=(

2 subs is enuf le ok? i don want to fail any more n i cannot fail.
nxt wk - hist, geog, emaths, chem, emaths, geog
haiz... emaths?????? its like gonna be more diff than a maths. and geog????? lookin at the book can turn me off.
but..
of course i will stil try my best. ... i dun like disappointments. but i stil have to try

wish me luck...