the time sure flies man..
+ another 364 days hav past..
but it wasn't a very smooth one for me tho..
And yea.. i sure did change..
Ten months ago i was still pretty much the old me.. i dunoe how to relate it to words but i'm sure i was not wad i used to be before..

Hmm.. the first half of the year i guess i was kind of troubled.. and overwhelmed by many problems.. sticky one at that. bUt well...lil did i noe i wld faced mOre in the later half. Ok nvm.. back to the former. i won't sae its traumatic la..tt's too exagerating..but i guessed n0one of us invovled really had an easy time.. both physically n mentally. for me..i was really emotionally-drained..n upset later on. But i am really glad i sort of gotten over it.. its A nasty experience.. i dun wan to hav tt feelings animore.. aNd if you doesn't noe wad i was refering to..pls dun ask me..
Later on ard june to july.. man..i was really depressed & stressed up.. for no reason. i dunoe why.. oh well mayb thr was one.- - i was overwhlemed by all the pressure tt was driving me crazy. firstly thr was the schwork.. and then the championship [whr coach keep insisting tt we did not train enuff.but dun quote me on tt now. its in the past] and my piano exam as well.. i felt i cudn't practice enuff n gav myself lots of pressure.. but come to think of it.. july really had many tings going on huh..
Nothing much happen in aug.. but i cud feel my grades slipping gradually by then.. uGh. thankfully i did o-k at the end of year..
den frm sep to oct was back to the stressful mode.extremely stressful ones.. everything jus kept pouring in.. n its the first time in the year tt i fell sick in oct.. lol.
umm..a month ago i was very unhappy n depressed.. close friends who read my blog shld noe yea.. i was sad. hurt.disappointed.. but luckily everything is better now.. i wun sae tt dey finally understood me..but at least all the problems were over.. n i really felt happier now. And i had to admit.. the people who were closest to you affect you the most.
You noe wad? December is my happiest month. =D i really feel happy.. or rather carefree.. really hope twenty-oh-5 wld be better ..hahaha.

Hmm.. thr are acutally some memorable things tt happened..hhaha. One would be during beginning july.. our last trg before the competition.. tt day really end damn late sia.. i tink we only left cdans ard 10:15? after everything had been told.. bla bla. but i tink i'm of the luckier wan cos i reach home "earlier" den some of them. Oh ya.. tt nite was oso the time whr some estates de power supply got cut off.. i was on mr soh car.. but he only let me alight near my hse..opposite tpjc cos of more convenience.. but well the road back to my home wasn't really tt far.. i had to cross 2 traffic lights n walked 2 stretch of roads.. but what really made me paranoid was when i realised my surroundings was totally deserted..n dark. i guessed it was alreadi 11pm by then.. i wanted to call home.. only to realise (to my horror) tt the batterry was completely flat. and now i was really freaked out. the roads were dark cos they were surrounded by tall bushes.. n so i,stil clad in uniform started to run as fast as i cud.. it was really an experience man..you can't make a call when you badly wanted to.. tt's scary.
Ok the second one..it wld be the 2nd chalet ba..where all of us went to the beach to see sunrise.. it was very cold near the seaside and the wind jus kept blowing at us...altho the recent tsunaimi really made ppl change their mind of beaches.. i still feel tt its one of the most peaceful place on earth..(when its not raging water)

One of the best tings tt happen this year would be All of You..! yep..i made many new friends this year..abt 6 i guess.. but whatever it is :: Friends Forever!!
n to those who are attached..and yesh if i'm not wrong shld be 2 ba..all the best yah..lol.

hMm..FINALLY HUH. its 2 damn long posts todae. =D
And you are really sth to reach this far.. hahaa.
well..i guessed i wld end this post wif a wish..
>> a happy n successful year~ <<

hApPy nEw yEaR ~~ =p

Lyrics '04 tt i cud relate to ...

Nobody's Home
I couldn't tell you
Why she felt that way
She felt it everyday
I couldn't help her
I just watch her make
The same mistakes again
What's wrong, what's wrong now
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs
She wants to go home
but nobody's home
That's where she lies broken inside
No place to go, no place to go
To dry her eyes broken inside
Open your eyes (open your eyes)
And look outside
Find the reason why (why)
You've been rejected (you've been rejected)
And now you can't find
What you left behind
Be strong, be strong now
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs
Her feeling she hides
Her dream she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's fallen behind
She can't find her place
She's losing her faith
She's fallen from grace
She's all over the place
She's lost inside, lost inside (oh, oh uhh)
She's lost inside, lost inside (oh, oh uhh)

Welcome To My Life
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don’t belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud that no one hears you screaming
No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like to be like me
To be hurt, To feel lost, To be left out in the dark
To be kick when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed aroundTo be on the edge of breaking down
When no one’s there to save you
you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
But deep inside you’re bleeding
No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like to be like me

Shadow
I was six years old
When my parents ran awayI
was stuck inside a broken lifeI
couldn't wish away
She was beautiful
She had everything and more
And my escape was hiding out and running for the door
Somebody listen please
It used to be so hard being me
Living in the shadowOf someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
Living in a nightmare
A never-ending sleepBut now that I am wide awake
My chains are finally free
Don't feel sorry for me
All the days collided
One less perfect than the nextI was stuck inside someone else's life and always second best
Oh, I love you now 'cause now I realize
That it's safe outside to come alive in my identity
So if you're listeningT
here's so much more to me you haven't seen
Living in the shadowOf someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
Living in a nightmareA never-ending sleep
But now that I am wide awake
Then I can finally be
Don't feel sorry for me
Mother, sister, father, sister, mother
Everything's cool now
Mother, sister, father, sister, mother
Everything's cool nowOh, my life is goodI've got more than anyone should
Oh, my life is good
And the past in the past
I was living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
I'm living in a new day I'm living it for me
And now that I am wide awake
Then I can finally be
Don't feel sorry for me
Don't feel sorry, don't feel sorry for me
Living in, living in, living in the shadow
Living in, living in, living in a new day

Breakaway
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy,I would pray
Try not to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no-one could hear me.Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray,I could break away
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance
Make a change, and break away
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance
Make a change, and break away
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jetplane
Faraway, and break away
Buildings with a 100 floors
Swinging aroundrevolving doors,
Maybe I don't know where they'll take e
But I gotta keep moving on moving on
Fly away, break away
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
Tho its not easy to tell you goodbye
Gotta take a risk, take a chance
Make a change, and break away
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I've gotta take a risk, take a chance
Make a change, and break away
Break away, break away

My Happy Ending
So much for my happy ending
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead held up so high
On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
CHORUS
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew And I thought we could be
CHORUS
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
CHORUS X 2
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

finally sehz. we noe the class posting le... but it was no surprise to me ... cos i sumhow alreadi noe it long ago le... lol.but i dun realli like the letter N. why can't it be 2??? den i can complete all my twos le..haiz.
` hmm..went to pasir ris 2 days ago... damn tired la. but veri fun oso.. n its been ages since i last cycle.. but the pasir ris beach is damn dirty sia..

:: todae... dled alot of songs tt i wanted =D. n now all of us are tinking reasons to persuade cheryl change class... n florence is damn excited...LoL. but seriousl la.. i hope u get in to 3E oso.. together wif flo.. u 2 together oso v.funie..whaha

~ tink i gtg le... later still nid to go to my grandma hse.. hais.

i 'm tired.
not ready for sch
=(

yEahH..!! my cuz finally came ytd to done the com for me.. now can use le.. so happy =D haha..
but there's a stupid prob.. my connections somtimes can't get connected.. so ppl if i tok to you halfway n "disappear" you know why le hor... lol

hAv been going out the past 2 days.. n i suddenly feel very tired. haiz.. tmr still got the big celebration.. i'm gonna be dead beat lol. aniwae.. jiemin hav a sweet fourteen bdae! =)

haiz ..todae veh boring..other den trying to do moi homework.. i've been practically stoning away the whole day.. hmm well.. maybe the only good ting is tt my mom bought a new phone..tt samsung camera phone.. n guess wad. dey wan me to use it for the time being until my contract ends wich is ard march. haix.. but this phone oso not bad la. same as flo de. lol..

hmm.. 6 days to 2005. time flies huh. maybe its time for me to conclude the entire year..

[x.] why immerse urself into a world which is unreal?- [x.]

lalala... i'm back from shopping all da gifts..
Bought for ah min. pailin and my sis.. Yeaaa~~ its my sis birthdae todae too.. wich means good n yummy food 2nite.. whaha.
And to Pailin...

HaPpY bIrThDaEe~~ =p

can't pass u ya gift todae... but nvm. tmr oso can rite? hahaaa..
now my template damn messy... cos i purposely bold everybody ..lol. i finally decided to arrange the links in alphabetical order..
N guess wad??
my com finally came!! ^^
but i still can't use it now.. cos hvn fixed the rest of da computer parts..
so yea.. its still pretty much in the box.. lol

`ehh.. pretty much bored now.
hav been trying to do my book reviews. altho i hvn wrote anith yEt...at least i found a story..LoL
as for the comprehension... i really really really v.tired of it le... n who noes. the teacher may not even check it.. haixx. wo zuo de hao xin ku ar...
niewaes.. i've finaly reconfirm myself tt i dun part wif money easily... even tho i'm close to be A shopaholic..hahaa.
I found it easier to spend gifts on my friends than for myself >> cos i would owas end up thinking n thinking n thinking...
haiz.. ` but i doubt i could get rid of this habit..
HaHaa...

- - * hAv fUn 4 ChristMass!* - -

forever running`

Passing each person, as if they were obstacles in my path that I have to deal with each passing day, trying, to hold on.
Escaping from my problems, I won't look back!

The path up ahead is the key to my future.

The pain I have dealt with was all behind me now.
The racers never looked more surprised as I speeded past them.

From last place to first place I had caught up. The racers were determined to win, I could tell.
They were forcing their body beyond its limits.

Just so they could catch up with me.

Those obstacles were trying to catch up to me?
But I won't let them;

I won't let them catch up to me I won't let anything stop me from to the finish line

Won't let my problems catch up, even if I'll have to run forever...

La La

`~ arhh. finally went out todae..went to bugis to watch tt ssstupid Ocean Twelve. the critics bluff ppl sia..dey sae until so nice liddat..in the end we dun even get the story, n i tink its kinda boring..>.<
hmm..suddenly realise i veri long nvr go buigs le. lol.. but i dun really lik the cinemas thr..n ppl u all shld noe why..haha. went out wif kat jiemin n lifeng..kat u v.bad leh..keep on irritating lifeng..LoL. >> the ultimate nickname maker <<
tink almost all her frens oso got nicknamed by her.. hmm den ssst... is wad arh?? hahaha. ;)

i'm shoo relieved todaee.. ! finally cleared all the things in my room n dump them to my brother..muahahaha.feeeling sho much beta. but sadly..i still DUN hav the mood for sch manz. n its like opening in 12 days?? ughh..so soon. too soon. i dun wana feel stressed again. i dun wana to take tests n examss animore. . . argh.
Its a brand new year. its a brand new start. it signifies a brand new beginning of all great n fun tings... N all the stressful schwork stuffs tt we hav to repeat n do..
haiz` will it be a happy year for me?
i hope so..
cos if its a history repeat of wad's happened this year.. i will die.
dying of exhaustion. dying of emotional coaster ride. and being mentally strained..'

umm.. my posts hav been getting shorter n shorter every day yea? i hope this will be a change.. or isit becos this font ish smaller?? LOL.
`~ wad ever it is.. remember to hav fun for the rest of the remaining hols!!

-+* ... i'm no angel. i can't make u smile. but i'm willing to lend a listening ear..if u would let me *+-

// * \\

- - i hav a sudden sudden desire to clean out my room!! Uggh..i jus cant stand it animore..[ yea rite..more of cant standing myself! SCREAM] i got this irking feeling tt i wun feel clean or new if the room is still full of this year tings... n those schbooks..i still hvn clean out yet.. (or pass on to my bro..). Sighed. Wrong timing. my relatives are now here.. how the heck am i goin to tt in front of their face.. haiz.

now i only wish tt things wld be back to normal for me. i dun care anyth..i jus wan it back!! or the rest of my days wld be ruined by it.. i really can't imagine tt.. [why mus it owas be me?? ]

haixx` .. so mani things so little time..
=(

hEy```
hahaa. jus finish changing this blogskin. nice ma??? *lol*
its been a while since i like an anime skin.. n this one is shoo nice. whahaa
hmm..
ihvn been touching my homework..sighz. nvm.its gonna be finished sumday.. (i got a feelin it will be on new yr's eve >.< )
niwaes.guess wad! !
i found anoda damn cool,funny & nice fanfic!!
<< A Maid's Love >>
n i think this is one of the best i ever reaad..
thumbs up to Yisa =p another wonderful writer.
heh heh.. now i hav a collection of 4 stories at the fanfics column. do check it out ya? its nice. =)

- - - - - - - - - - -
haiz..
sth got into me..
n i dun wana step out of this house for the time being..
no matter how badly i wanted to..
uGhzzz.

ughz. i'm so dead. my cravings for food are backk..againn.
haiss.i've been gaining n gaining weight these past 2 yrs..n not losing ani.
n i wana eat. now.now.now. damn hungri..but i jus ate my dinner ah hr ago. =/
went to sch todae to buy books..heck la. the hcl books are out of stock. that's the only books wich i hvn buy.. afta tt went to watch national treasure. hey, i din't noe its a translation of the da vinci code. lol..the movie is sho kool n nice. mysteries + thrillers. fantastic combination. ahahaha. i won't spoil it by telling u wad isit abt but i tink its worth the $$ ``

haiz.i'm feeling kinda sianz now. dun feel lik doing anith xcept stoning n dreaming.
but i've so mani things to accomplishh..maybe typing out will motivate me? nahz..
I wana ---
finish the hols hw.
clean my darn messy room.
read finish the books tt i borrowed.
- - - - - - - - -
ughhz...the school hols are gonna be gone.GoNeE!! jus a blink of ur eye..n year 2005 will arrive~~ haizz.. mayb its time to write n conclude wad happened this whole year.. but i will jus summarise it for u now.
it isn't a good yr for me.
myonlywishlistforchristmas...
tt nxt yr would be splendid n much better than noww..
i noe compare to most ppl in the world..i can be counted as lucky. i got wad a normal teenage can have. eat well`sleep well`play well

So wad more shld i ask??

yeah..mayb i shld start feeling contented.

With content.. you would not hav more to ask for..

`- craps.

wo-ho. finally touched down at 1am..flight got delayed..i've watched catwoman n the bourne supremacy on both flights.. hahaha.i tink tt's the onli gd ting on the airplane..=)

my trip to hk..is OK ba.but i dun really hav the holiday mood..hmm hk is cooling.i lik the weather.but den the environment v.bad sia..u can smoke aniwhr u wan.and i mean ANYWHERE.air-conditioned food restaurants to malls. =/ i tink if i lived thr for 3 mths can become passive smoker le..

Go thr ish really shop till u drop sia.n becos most of the time is free n easy so we take their mtr n walkk..damn. i tink i've nvr walk like wad i did thr be4.walk until my feet hurts like hell. but its kinda worth it tho.went to their xing guang da dao. (avenue of stars), teddy bear kingdom n the peak..The peak was lik few ten thousands feet high..when we came down i really few v.dizzy man. i tink those who hav xtremely low blood pressure can die..lol.
For hongkong is mainly shopping ba..but most of the shops thr is sell clothes,shoes n bags de. so to everybody..sorrie i really can't find souvenirs.n if got oso SGD20 plus..damn ex sia.=(
On the third n fourth day..went to SZ. the place is colder den hk sia..lol. but thr no shops de..mostly is sight-seeing. the one tt i like most is Window of the World..dey built mani mini-fake sculptures of all the famous palces in the world.cool rite.hahaaa..can see ev.th in one go. but is fake one la..lol. got eiffel tower to japanese garden to the nigara falls to the egypt pyramids. oso got go see the beijing city n the mini fake palace. hahaa..go sz is really eye opening..but boring too..depends ba.

i tink the hk schs veri gd too..lol. firstly, their uniform is much nicer den ours..n quite japanese too. den their hair oso can anihow style de.. shoo nice. hahaha. hongkongers are oso v.into fashion sia. you see how dey wear on the streets u noe le..den now their season is winter..ev.whr ppl wear boots. n their boots so nice.lol. i got a feelin i went to hongkong at the wrong timing. now everywhr ppl sell winter clothes..oso can't buy back to sg. you wear le ppl tink u crazie..lol.
P.S: both countries de skies are cloudless de..tt's y their sunset are more stunning..really is that kind of red orange de..hahaa.

altho i'm dead tired n my feets are killing me.. i hav a feelin of nt coming back..
mayb is becos when u go to a country whr u dunoe a single soul,
you wun hav ani worries. its like a new fresh start. wu you wu lui.
but now ...when i step into sg again..
everything starts to come backk..
sigh.
... worries are part n parcel of life ...

i've spent 1 hr on tis post.
crappin away. nth to do.
i wana change blogskin..
argh. i dun feel home.
n i'm certainly tired
byee..~

hahaha. ehh.luckie stil can blog sia.begged my bro to let me use his..cos my sis com duno y sia.can't blog.arh anw.in 2 weeks time..i noe i wun do ani of these nemore.=)

heh heh. WE finally went out..lol.really really nvr c all of u le..glad tt we can finally gather n tok craps again.lol..cheryl n jovi v.funie sia..dey were relieving their class memories..altho all of them werre luffin but i can tell tt dey were actualli quite sad abt separating..hmm.cheer up kae.i know u all were definitely meet up again.hahahaa..afta finishing our talkin session we went ard the mall to look for the tings tt i wana buy..hahaha. n these 4 ppl so kind to be my body guards..lol.
ytd was crap manz..laze ard the hse..but hey at least i finish moi 8 jianbaos le!! whahaa..2 more to go. n recently i got hook on to write testimonials for everybody. actually intended to do it afta the class posting, but since ev.1 was doing it i might as well add for them now.haha.
haiz anw..jovi jus told me tt the class posting may not be in no.s manz. n the stupid slow sch is gonna change to those childish stupid names. ugh. for once. i really hope this is nt true manz.. so stupid..

anw..gonna go for hols tmr le..yeahh.lolx. will miss all of u n u n u. =D
btw kat, sryarbutireallyhavtoaccepttherestofthetestis.butheyppl
shev.goodkaewriteFIVEtestisforme.soplsturntothenxtpagenlookathercrapsk..

So long..~ Cyaa..

Hahaha..so lame now.Cherry ish critising her uniform group..lol. sian la..the "discussion" is so damn typical. why can't we owas make a decision? huh? like thr's so much places in sg lik tt..haiz.but if u wan me to decide for everybody i oso dunoe wad to do. Cos when thrs so much ppl..its v.hard to make everyone happie.oh wait, am i suppose to say this? sometimes i jus feel so outsider..lookin frm an outsider point of view..

- - -todae.went to the lib.yeaaaa~~ finally borrowed quality bks.Lol..when i sae quality i mean gd books. i guess i will cheat for the book review..whahaa. =D i v.sian of hwk le..reali dun feel lik doin the o lvl bk sia...
Hehe..me n yp todae went craziee..we acutalli plan to walk to the tampines connector park..but den out of nowhere we jus got lost lor. n i chose the wrong route =/ [ jus futher assure me of my poor sense of dir.] haaaix. i tink i will be e first to die in survivor. lol.

feelin' beri bored now. suddenly feel hooked on to friendster.again~~lol. i v.long nvr use le..but lately hav been writing testimonials for ppl. maybe i write for the whole class afta the postin ba..haha. To everybody: i dun mind more testimonials kae. n if u write for me i will definitely return urs. ^^

currently tokin to flo n yinwei now. hahaha..yinwei wana be e nxt singapore idol? but his chinese song nt bad la..=X maybe he will be the nxt sly..muahaha..

okok i guess i gota go le..brother wana use the com.
[ I Jus Can't Wait for My Own Com!!]

nit3zz

hais. i'm so exhausted..
but its onli physially..not mentally! hahaa.. went shoppin wif my mom todae..so gd sia. most of the things i bought she pay de..whaha. but den ..i really n0 more clothes le .. den goin hols soon (4 more days!) so muss buy..=)

Counting down..4 more dayss..i finally had the mood of goin for holidays.. finally. =) but i'm realli dumb in cantonese manz..anibody noe can teach me?? lol..

Life.. hav been pretty confusin to me nowadays. hais. but i'm sure it will made much more sense to me later den..now. yesh. n the best for me is to stoping tinking............now.now.now.
ughz. i tink i'm kinda crazie..goin crazie..

haIz..fan si ren lE...

mayb i will feel clearer tmr..

sry to confuse u guys.... but i'm v.confused now too...

someone pls pull me up !!

thisisastupidentry.

lo0kin baCk..

~ i've been lookin back these year. wondering why everythin hav turned this way...
+ n now i realise.. everythin is jus fated.n destined to be..
+ you can't change anith..even if u noe wad will be happening..
~ its just not in e control of our hands..however how ppl sae it cud..
+ n this is wad i call helplessness..

-=- time n time again.. i feel hurt n sad.
* owass wondering.. will anibody even care when i leave the world?
~ all the problems i hide so delicately beneath me..
+ smiling n laughin lik thr's no tmr..
+ but i guess..onli a rare few will noe wad's realli goin inside me..

-=- afta seein the cold n harsh world reality..
~ i began to feel hardened n cold..
+ insecurities hovering over me
+ i hid my feeliings behind a protective layer..
* noeing tt nobody will noe my true feelings..
until the day i find sumone to open up to..