All these years

thots/.

a mixture of feelings.
atinge of sadness, happiness, comfort and so much more..

went with kat to starbucks todae... its been so super long... like more than 2 yrs since i last stepped into tt place. tt place tt is full of memories of cherie kat n me. when we were just sec1 and cherie sec4... the happy and carefree days. i missed the smell of aroma coffee filling the place... the chill out atmosphere.. the condusive environment.
somehow, i feel tt going back to the place was right todae. finally had heart to heart chats wif kat... she's really one friend tt i cud say anyth tt i wan without feeling restricted or stupid. one tt i guess were one of the handful who really understoood me. and i guess.. having back the sense of closeness thr was only appropriate. hope what we have planned and said wld come true one day..

this triggered thots of another friend. somebody who is ever funny and never fails to brightens up my day. when im bored or when im down... i noe i cud always count on her to be there or to cheer me up. having ur company is really an enjoyment to me already. it seems like we can chat anything and everything under the sun. things tt bothers you bothers me too... we seem to share numerous similarities tt i can rarely find in other friends.
is this a strong friendship?
i dunoe why but recently i feel tt i kept misunderstanding you... misinterpretting all ur actions. as stupid as it can be, i tink these misinterpretions actually hurts me. but i tink the problem lies mainly in me .. its just me i guess. always thinking too much...
and suddenly the more i think of the past few days, the sadder i get.
not becos of what u did la.. haha. More of wad im thinking now. chatting to kat makes me think of other stuffs.
i cant decide whether im suprise or shock of what im turning myself into. things tt shld impact me or touch me... i actually feel nothing. things tt are actually not okay yet i felt it is okay. i feel empty and sometimes, numbness deep down. Is this wad im suppose to feel? Lol. in a sense, i do think tt im different from my peers. i have a mindset which nt many culd relate to. i tink i can be quite difficult. but whatever. wad happened 2 yrs ago really changes me and probably, how i view some stuffs now. that was how strong it hits me.

and only now do i understand.

i guess these other things tt i would rather leave unsaid. things tt i dun tell anyone. yet things tt i cud type on...
in a sense, i feel kinda relieved to type it out. i dun tink i feel anymuch different... but just... a relief from my whirl of thoughts.

actually, i do appreciate this sense of emptyness.

it brings me solitary peace